More P.E.E. writing - Abbie's

I am learning to P.E.E. in my writing - have a main point/topic sentence as the first sentence, then I elaborate. 

Tupare gardens is a public garden in New Plymouth. Tupare has a river at the end of the gardens. There is a swimming hole in one part of it. The swimming hole is really deep. The river has a very fast current and there are some steps to get down to the river. The river is called the Waiwhakaiho. There are eels in the river that come out at night. The eels normally live at the end of the swimming hole by the bank. Tupare gardens are recommended by local people. If you like to look at gardens, this is the place to go.

If you are curious about Tupare gardens go to this website http://www.trc.govt.nz/tupare-home/

Written by Abbie